Think and be thankful :)

We spend our whole lives wishing we were someone else.
When we're little, we want to be grown up; when we're older, we wish we were young again.
If we have straight hair, we wish we had curly hair; if we have curly hair, we wish we have straight hair.
No matter how much stuff we have, we always wish we had more.
People wish they had different siblings or parents, but I bet if they had those different siblings or parents they'd want the original ones (It's all about your attitude).
Some people wish they had a job, others complain about theirs.
On and on it goes. Think about what you have before you wish for something else. If you wish you were someone else or were like something else, just realize that if you could change lives (or whatever) you most likely wouldn't be content there either.
Be thankful :)

I'm sorry

I don't even know how to be sorry for being me, and not knowing how to fix it. I'm too serious. I'm too awkward. I have a poor me attitude because I don't feel like hardly anyone ever really wants me around, and the people that do don't have time for me. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm just trying to glorify God and do my best... Why must it be so painful and lonely?

Judas

Sometimes there's so many little chunks you could take out of the Bible and expand on them SO MUCH. Have you ever seen how huge commentaries are?? Big. Colossal (for a fun word).
Ok so I definitely feel like I could go on and on about little things in the Bible. "Little" used loosely... But anyway, this is about Matthew 26:47-56 or more specifically, verses 49 and 50, "Going at once to Jesus , Judas said, 'Greetings Rabbi!' and kissed him. Jesus replied, 'Friend, do what you came for.'"
Now Judas has a mob of people looking to kill Jesus behind him. And he has the audacity to come up to him, kiss him, and act like he loves him? Then Jesus calls him "friend."
Have you ever had a really close friend totally stab you in the back? Yea. Jesus had ONLY loved Judas. But enough people were jealous of him and hated him that they wanted to kill him. And Judas really liked money. So they bribed him. "Sure, I'll take 30 silver coins to show you where Jesus is. Nevermind the fact that you're going to kill the only person who has ever loved me unconditionally. Oh, and did I mention that He's GOD?" ...no.
And Jesus called him FRIEND? If someone did that to us we'd either punch them or leave. If someone hurts us, we hurt them back or leave them. Right? (But Jesus didn't!) it's just something to think about.
Ok, so another perspective: you are Judas. YOUR sins are why He came here in the first place. Risked His life. Because you lied, because you did whatever you did, you can no longer be with God. And He HATES that! He wants to be with you as much as someone who's in love wants to be with the beloved (actually, more)! So...He came here. He totally cleaned all sins you've ever done. EVERYTHING. Because He's just that powerful.
But again, think about the fact that it's our faults that He had to die. Had to be betrayed. Can you IMAGINE walking up to our LORD and GOD and BETRAYING Him? Well...we've probably done it. At least at some point in our lives. But He's willing to take the blame with His own blood so we can be with Him.
He loves us so much! Sometimes it's hard to believe. But if you just THINK about what He DID. He wouldn't have done that for anyone else but someone who He passionately loved!
He loves you.
You are loved.
Always.
:)

Things I Think

I haven't written anything lately...well, here's one. And I guess it's not completely about God, but I just wanted to write it and get it out there.
Is it weird that when I'm getting a snack out of the pantry I wonder who wrote the stuff on the box, wonder about their story, and pray for them?
At dance I look at each individual person sometimes and am AMAZED that they all have such a detailed story...that no one knows every part of it but God, and that He knows ALL of theirs down to the last detail. And loves them ALL so powerfully...it blows me away.
I constantly wonder what it's like to see something from a different perspective. I only have my own. But if I'm in a group with two others, they see things SO much more differently than me. Even you, right now, whoever might read this...you have your own life. I have no idea where you are, what you're thinking, feeling, or seeing. And you have no idea from me either. Even as I write this I'm thinking so much more than I'm writing. What's it like to be you?
Sometimes I'll look at a car next to us and pray for the people and wonder how they're doing...
I constantly replay conversations in my head. Even from years ago. Sometimes I realize that when I was talking to the person something I said hit home and I had never noticed it. Sometimes I wish I could change what I said or how I said it. Sometimes I learn something new about them. Sometimes I realize that they were really agitated or worn out. Etc...
And sometimes I make up whole new convos with people. I use something they or I said, change what one of us replied, and go off on a whole new convo with them. In my mind of course.
Sometimes I'll smile for no apparent reason. It's because I'll be thinking about a memory and what the person said or did made me smile...sometimes just thinking about the person makes me smile. :)
Whenever I see a unlikely or strange picture I will look it over to see if it was edited and how well it was. Sometimes the shadows are off, sometimes the cutting isn't right or too sharp...and sometimes it's just because I don't see water moving around where a horse is supposedly standing like it would be if it really was there.
I think about how we all have a million different feelings, reactions, and memories tied to certain things. I just say "someone special" and you're thinking something COMPLETELY different from me...or maybe not so different, but definitely not the same.
"Stressful" soundtracks make me feel happy. Why? I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out. But I think it might be because I can be in my own little world...or because I can "control" how I'm feeling? But it's probably just cuz I really like the music...
When I see a dying petal, I want to know EXTREMELY DETAILED what is going on inside that petal. What's dying first, what chemical reactions are happening...
I analyze songs and figure out what the artist's worldview is...kinda. I more just figure out if this person really is morally straight, or if there's an icky hidden message in the song...then I normally won't listen to it.
I wonder how things work. How in the world does the Internet work? I think I've kinda figured it out...I think?
Oh there's so much more...if you actually read through it, I'm amazed. And impressed. Thanks :)

Easter

All through the week before Easter I knew that I should be thinking about what Jesus did for me and that it should be affecting me, but it wasn't. I felt cold to it, even though I saw and heard others talking about it. Friday affected me none, I hardly thought about the cross; I felt bad, but wasn't willing to open myself up and take the time to think about it...
Then Sunday morning came. I still wasn't really thinking about it. But when we got to church and started singing...it changed. I was like, "Oh my goodness! The message of the cross is just SEEPED in HOPE and LOVE for us!"
So many of us are feeling hopeless. No one cares, we don't care, and there's nothing to live for; there's no hope. But when we take time to THINK about what Jesus did on the cross MEANS (which I encourage you to do)... Jesus —God— came down from the perfect life in heaven. He took on flesh that is limiting, especially compared to what he's used to. He became a baby who can do nothing and has to rely on others (people HE created!) to help it with the basics of life. Then He spent His life being loved and ridiculed, only to be stabbed in the back by His own friend, go through a mock trial, be neared beyond recognition (yikes) and spit upon, and be put through the most excruciating death. Because HE. LOVED. YOU. We know what it's like to not be loved! And hopefully you also know what it's like to love and be loved. It's a POWERFUL thing, and He loves YOU more than you can imagine. He CHOSE you. He made you exactly how He wanted and loves every little bit of you. Yes, even what you're thinking of right now. I know you're probably not taking this in or really believing it, but I really really hope you will... Because this is a message of HOPE. He has a plan for you. Everything you've gone through has brought you or will bring you closer to Him and has or will be used for good. Don't keep Him in a box and limit what He can do or how much He can love you. Open up and let Him in...enjoy His presence as much as He enjoys yours. For this is why He died. For YOU.

Lessons from a sprout

I'm growing plants. Because I want a bunch on my deck. Yep.
And I've noticed something about them. They grow fast, but as soon as they get even a little bit off the ground, they fall over...and just kinda lay on the ground... :(
I was thinking about why they did this and realized that they didn't have any wind blowing on them or anything. They were growing fast, but they had nothing to make them stronger, so they just fell to the ground.
This illustrates a point. I'm forever getting impatient, wanting to grow faster. Grow to be more like Christ. And I get so discouraged when things come and I feel like I'm not growing at all.
But what if I grew? And I grew and grew and...fell. On the ground. And just stayed there. Because I had no strength to hold me up. I'd envy the other sprouts who were shorter but still standing up!
God sends trials in our lives to make us stronger. He sends wind, pouring water, no water, etc to strengthen us so that we can stand. Without those things, we'd eventually just fall.
Count your blessings, even the hard ones :)

Believe outside the box

Do you put God in a box?
Probably.
Have you ever thought you weren't good enough, He couldn't possibly love you?
Have you ever thought that He couldn't forgive you because you've done too many things against Him?
Have you ever thought that even He thinks you're ugly?
Have you ever thought that you needed to do something to make Him fall head over heels for you?
You're putting Him in a box. I've put Him in a box. You're not the only one who's thought those things. Those are lies.
Have you ever realized that God isn't human? That He doesn't think like us? The more you look in the Bible, the more you realize that God doesn't do things how we do them.
The Israelites, His chosen people, the ones He rescued from Egypt, constantly backslid and did things against God. Gross things. They at some points even sacrificed their kids to a "god" named Baal. They, who had known many miracles to come from His hands, had deliberately disobeyed Him time and time again. So, He'd send prophets to warn them that if they didn't shape up, He'd punish them. Well, they never shaped up. But after they had been taken captive by one country or another, if they cried out to Him, He would ALWAYS rescue them. No matter what they had done. The point of the punishment was so that they would realize that they needed to cry out for Him, and He would save them.
What would a person do in that situation? They would probably just be done with the Israelites. They've disobeyed far too many times! Maybe even smoke them.
But that's NOT what God DOES! He always took them back! Even while they were in captivity Ge still took care of them! They may not have noticed, but looking back it is clearly seen.
So what does this have to do with you?
You have messed up, haven't you? You have lied to others, and to yourself. You have been nasty to people. You maybe have even done something "worse" (by the way, sleeping with someone is just as bad as a little white lie and vice versa). I bet you've even thought that He'd never want you. You're too dirty for Him to take. You're the one exception to His forgiveness.
Those. are. lies.
God isn't human! He gets over things. He forgives. He took care of everything on the cross before you were born! He knew you'd mess up, and He still made you. He's still wooing you. He has already forgiven you. Just run into His arms, beloved! You are loved. By God. The Creator of the stars. Don't put Him in a box by thinking He could never love you. Don't humanize Him by believing the lies that you could never be forgiven. Rebuke it. And run to Him.

The grass is always greener...

So...have you ever wished you could be lazy like a cat or dog? Just lie around all day long...not caring about anything...I think a lot of us have. But do you ever think...what IF I really WAS like that? What would that actually be like?
I think we assume something else is better, and don't take time to realize that it's not all it's cracked up to be, and turn to God and THANK HIM for making us, well, us!
Do you realize that if we were—let's say a cat. Do you realize if you were a cat, you'd probably be bored? They don't normally go out of the house, and if they do, not very far from it to explore. No trips. No going to new places. Can they read? Nope, so they can't learn. That would annoy me. What you know is simply what you can figure out on your own without anyone else's knowledge to help out. People normally associate "learn" with "school" and turn their noses up on it but do you realize that cats also can't learn about other people (or cats)? They can't know their stories, or have chats and talk to the other one about their own. They just sit around and sleep. Relaxing? Boring. We find it such a novelty because we only get to on rare occasions. They find playing and using their energy and skill a novelty because they only can on rare occasions. They can't design a room, pick out a birthday card, plant flowers, brush their teeth, or even carry a book.
Why do we assume it'd be so great?
We need to think about what we say and believe. We so quickly assume something and don't even think that maybe it's not right. We always think the grass is greener over there and don't realize God put us over here for a REASON. Why? Because it's better right here! Even if the grass IS greener over there, maybe God's keeping us on a diet of some kind. It's not that crazy!
How did I get on this subject in the first place?
Because I looked at my cat sleeping on my bed and was jealous because I wanted to just sleep.
But God tapped me on the shoulder and made me realize that it's a blessing to be able to learn.
So my challenge: whenever you think the grass is greener over there, take a step back and realize that the grass is just fine where you are.

Psalm 107 &thoughts :)

" 1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; 
   his love endures forever.
 2 Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story— 
   those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, 
3 those he gathered from the lands, 
   from east and west, from north and south.[a]

 4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, 
   finding no way to a city where they could settle. 
5 They were hungry and thirsty, 
   and their lives ebbed away. 
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, 
   and he delivered them from their distress. 
7 He led them by a straight way 
   to a city where they could settle. 
8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 
9 for he satisfies the thirsty 
   and fills the hungry with good things.

 10 Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness, 
   prisoners suffering in iron chains, 
11 because they rebelled against God’s commands 
   and despised the plans of the Most High. 
12 So he subjected them to bitter labor; 
   they stumbled, and there was no one to help. 
13 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, 
   and he saved them from their distress. 
14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, 
   and broke away their chains. 
15 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 
16 for he breaks down gates of bronze 
   and cuts through bars of iron.

 17 Some became fools through their rebellious ways 
   and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
18 They loathed all food 
   and drew near the gates of death. 
19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, 
   and he saved them from their distress. 
20 He sent out his word and healed them; 
   he rescued them from the grave. 
21 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind. 
22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings 
   and tell of his works with songs of joy.

 23 Some went out on the sea in ships; 
   they were merchants on the mighty waters. 
24 They saw the works of the LORD, 
   his wonderful deeds in the deep. 
25 For he spoke and stirred up a tempest 
   that lifted high the waves. 
26 They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths; 
   in their peril their courage melted away. 
27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards; 
   they were at their wits’ end. 
28 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, 
   and he brought them out of their distress. 
29 He stilled the storm to a whisper; 
   the waves of the sea[b] were hushed. 
30 They were glad when it grew calm, 
   and he guided them to their desired haven. 
31 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind. 
32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people 
   and praise him in the council of the elders.

 33 He turned rivers into a desert, 
   flowing springs into thirsty ground, 
34 and fruitful land into a salt waste, 
   because of the wickedness of those who lived there. 
35 He turned the desert into pools of water 
   and the parched ground into flowing springs; 
36 there he brought the hungry to live, 
   and they founded a city where they could settle. 
37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards 
   that yielded a fruitful harvest; 
38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, 
   and he did not let their herds diminish.

 39 Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled 
   by oppression, calamity and sorrow; 
40 he who pours contempt on nobles 
   made them wander in a trackless waste. 
41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction 
   and increased their families like flocks. 
42 The upright see and rejoice, 
   but all the wicked shut their mouths.

 43 Let the one who is wise heed these things 
   and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD."
-Psalm 107

Do you see this? God saves. God loves. God goes out of His way to rescue the lost, His beloved. You might have completely gone against Him, you might honestly be terrible. But if you call out to Him with a humble heart, He will break open heaven to save you. If you trust Him He will do anything to get you out of the pit. Because no matter what you do, He loves you. He loves YOU. And when you let Him, He cleanses you and makes you spotless, pure, radiant, holy, righteous, perfect, unblemished, whole, white, HIS. His beautiful, beloved bride. Don't you see? He will never push you away. The only thing holding you back from Him is you...

"Surrender"

This song was kind of a turning point in my faith a few years ago...not many people know that actually. Listened to it on the father/child retreat at covenant pines one night...and gave Him my dreams of owning a horse. I'd serve Him however He wanted, even if I couldn't have a horse...and He is faithful :) for now He has given me a new dream...a God-breathed dream to heal both horses and His children, and by His love and faithfulness it will happen someday. But whatever happens...I really hope I can honor Him in what I do.


"Surrender"

My hands hold safly to my dreams 
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show 
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again? 

Rose

Yea...I've been thinking of the rose analogy (Consider the Rose) quite a bit since wednesday... Especially with my white rose opening up and looking absolutely amazing. God keeps whispering...reminding me that I am even more beautiful than the rose...inside and out. Regardless of the thorns. But no one will see that or benefit from that if I don't open up...when a rose is closed, you only see a portion of the beauty. I want to open up...for His sake. I want to show people what He is like rather than keep hiding because of the fear of being unwanted, rejected—found to be of little value or annoying. So yes...with the encouragement from my little rose and from God, I'm going to try to open up more. Because so few people know the real me. And hopefully, through it, they can at least catch a glimpse of the love of my God.

In His Presence

When we're in the presence of God...
We come as merely human. Merely flesh and bone. Imagine...a body. Your body. The skin is formed of our "glories": the good things we've done. The things we think we've done on our own. But in the presence of God...it is so small. It just blows away. The mask blows away...and reveals the ugliness within us. The charred bones, and all the grossness of our sins and mistakes...but we are still in the presence of God, and He reaches out and asks to take it all away. We're terrified, what would be left of us? We don't want to change... But if we trust Him and willingly give it to Him...it goes away. Our sins are taken away. And as we stand in His presence we realize...He starts transforming us. Making us anew. Can you imagine? We start to glow in His glory. Our hearts reflect Him who we stand before and they are absolute, pure gold. But we don't revel in ourselves, we revel in the majesty of He who can transform people like us! He who loves us and cares for us even when we leave Him! He chose us so that He could bring us peace, joy, love... All we did was trust and have faith.

Come...

Come to Me, My child. This love is joyous, wont you dance with Me? I will do anything to bring you close to Me. I will woo you, I will scare you, whatever it takes to draw you to Me because of My huge love for you. Come, walk in step with Me. Be in my presence; heaven starts here. Let the worries of life, the choking of religion, the weight of sin roll off your back. Rest in the shade with Me and just drink in My overwhelming love for you. I will never let you go. You are Mine, and I love you. Talk to Me, and listen to Me speak to you; I have so much to tell you. Don't wander from Me, you will not find the satisfaction you are searching for. Come...I am here

Grace; forgiveness; love; trust

So today I got home and was all excited because I wanted to go on a walk with my little sister and was pretty sure she'd be excited too. Well, she has some work pages to do and I go into my room to grab her some gum that I know she likes for her to chew on while she finishes. I open the container...and half of it's already gone. Only about 3 pieces should have been missing. So I asked her about it. She said she didn't do it. There has been many times when she's come in my room and eaten things, used things, moved things, etc, and I've told her again and again not to. Apparently it hasn't worked. I figured out she was lying, and my parents said that she had to write sentences; so she did. Needless to say I was disappointed in her for not only stealing from me again, but lying about it- again. I told her that God didn't want her to do that, that her friends wouldn't be able to trust her if she lied even just to people in her family, and that we do what is right because we love God, and we love our family. Stealing and lying doesn't show people that you love them.
In any case, we didn't go on a walk, to my disappointment. She wrote me a note though, under Mom's instruction, and asked if I'd forgive her and that she was sorry. She was asleep by the time I got home to see it on my bed, so I'll talk to her about it tomorrow :)
...What is the point of all this? Well, I realized what God feels like when His children lie and cheat and steal. He loves them —us—; He's disappointed in us, especially with how many other times He's forgiven us. It hurts Him...He knows it's not good for us. But same as I've forgiven my sister (praise God; I'm thankful He helped me to forgive her so easily), He forgives us- over and over again. GLADLY. Our sins pull us away from Him, and He doesn't want that. He wants us to be close. He loves us. And there is nothing we can do to make Him stop loving us. He will always forgive us. Is there something(s) you think are impossible for Him to forgive? You've messed up too much, He won't take you back now; it's not worth it. I've seen this mindset eat away at my friend, and myself at times. It is a LIE. There is NOTHING my little sister could do to make me refuse to forgive her if she asked; and even if she didn't ask. There is NOTHING you can do that His sacrifice cannot cover: that is demeaning His power. I think a lot of times we're just afraid to really fess up to it. To give it over to Him and go on; to let go. The guilt becomes part of us, and we don't want to change. But is it worth it? Is separation from your King, possibly for eternity, worth holding on to guilt that causes you pain anyway, when He could take it all away? Let go. He will remove it from you as far as the east is from the west. He's got you, and He'll never let go. He loves you :)

Ps. If you ever need to talk about something, let me know. I'm here, and I love to listen and just be a friend. :)

Job IX-XV

"Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him"
You read through these chapters...and you're just torn. What? God isn't like this. Satan is doing this to you, not God. You make God sound terrible. And although at the end God says Job is wrong about it, it's still incredible that Job can say all this, and then say, "Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him." And although I could go on saying how amazing Job is, all the glory really belongs to God. You hear that you cannot do anything without Him, but I admit that for a long time I was like, "God didn't make me or help me eat, God didn't move my hands to play piano," etc and I knew that I was probably missing something, but I couldn't find an answer so I arrogantly thought that I could do things on my own. Well, turns out I'm wrong and that hey, God could take away the air, and I wouldn't breath anymore, much less run. And hey, if He let the earth crumbled in for some reason, I would be no more: no more eating as well. So I really can't do anything apart from Him, and neither could Job. Because God is amazing :) and in control of absolutely everything, even though we like to think we can be in control.